Step 1 – Figure out your identity, or at least who you want to be.

Words cannot hurt you if you have a strong sense of self. Of course, that depends on what your definition of “hurt” is, but in this context I’m saying that nobody can make you question your worth or second guess your decisions unless you let them. Know who you are, and do not waiver. At every crossroad of life, people will question your character. They will apply malicious motives to your behavior where there aren’t any, and try to publicize your flaws to validate whatever judgment they have of you. And some of those people, if they have a weaker audience, will succeed at turning others against you. But if you know who you are (and who you aren’t), then the effect this has on you won’t be quite so intolerable. Don’t get me wrong – it will definitely still be painful in some way. Being misunderstood or, even worse, intentionally mischaracterized hurts. But the sting will be lessened, the devastation less impactful, and the recovery time will be shorter as long as you are comfortable with yourself. If you are, then they don’t have to be.

Step 2 – Make an impact.

What is your life worth if you don’t make your mark? Not the “I’m great at my job” or the “I achieved this socially accepted milestone” mark. Those are great, of course. But you need to make a mark that you care about with every bit of passion inside you. Every day, strive to make moments you’ll remember in 30 years and be proud of, even if you’re the only person who ever knows about them. And if making moments every day is too frequent, shoot for every week. Or every month. Just make it count when you do it. We all have a limited number of days on this planet, so spend them wisely. Of course, we all have responsibilities that we can’t necessarily escape, and there will always be days that you feel like you’ve thrown away (probably a lot of them). We’re not all fortunate enough to have a job we love, and we’re not all fortunate enough to be able to quit the job we hate. But in the interim – the moments in between work and sleep – do something that matters to you. Volunteer, or write, or read, or exercise. It could be as simple as remembering to stop and breathe before overreacting to something inconvenient, or avoiding an impending argument by walking away for a few minutes. It’s about growth, even if you’re the only one who knows about it. Do anything that makes your soul happy, because at the end of the day you’re the only one living with your choices. Do you want your mind to wander at night to all the missed opportunities you’ve had, or the opportunities you took control of? Make yourself into a complete person and you won’t need to fill your voids with the approval of people who probably don’t matter anyway.

Step 3 – Learn the art of “fuck it.”

Did you get into an argument and behave in a way that you aren’t proud of? Fuck it, do better next time. Did you miss a workout or eat something you shouldn’t have? Fuck it, try again next meal (or next Monday, amirite). Did you do something that made others judge you or make you feel bad about yourself? Fuck it, and…well…fuck them too. You don’t owe anything to anyone in this world. Stop holding yourself to an impossible standard and BE HUMAN. It really is the greatest thing about you. We are all living, breathing creatures capable of growth and progress. Becoming a whole person is a journey that has no destination, so embrace the goddamned hiccups and learn to FORGIVE yourself. When you fuck up, don’t dwell on it every time you have a quiet moment to yourself or you’re laying in bed and your thoughts are wandering. Say fuck it and move on. Chances are, everyone else already has.