I started a journey of health and wellness…again. And it got me thinking about all of the noise that’s out there in the cultural zeitgeist. Self help books and YouTube videos and short form clips and documentaries and every other type of media under the sun has saturated the mainstream in a way that makes pursuing self care almost a requirement versus an act of service to yourself. And speaking of…

“Self care.” A concept that has garnered ridiculous amounts of attention in the last decade or so, to the point that it has become more of a buzz phrase than anything else. But the hyper-focus on the notion of self care in popular culture doesn’t negate its importance. And the type of self care we need is largely dependent on the season of life we’re in, the personal and social deficits we’re facing, and the resources we have access to. So how do you cut through the aforementioned noise to decide how to care for you in the most meaningful way?

Get organized.

It can be difficult to trudge through the hundreds of variations of self care that have become so visible in the societal landscape as of late. So I’ve decided that the easiest way to sort through the nonsense is to organize my self care tactics by the area of my life they’re targeting. It might look different for you, but I’ve drilled it down to five main areas for me – environment, physical health, emotional well-being, social life, and financial health.

 

Environment

This one is the area of my life that I feel the most comfortable attacking. Undiagnosed OCD and a need for order in my surroundings makes cleaning and tidying second nature for me. But for those who find it difficult to get motivated, start with one room at a time and follow the mantra that has become my go-to – “declutter and donate.” This actually serves two purposes. First, your immediate environment becomes less congested. You’ve got more room to breathe, move, and simply exist. Secondly, donating items that you no longer need or want serves an emotional purpose. Doing things in service of others fills a cup within yourself that you may not even know was empty, and that fulfillment is both soothing and energizing. The trick? Don’t tell anyone you did it. The service is for others, but the satisfaction is for you.

Add things to your environment to support your mental strength, too. Brain training and stimulation are key contributors to longevity in life. Surround yourself with art, music, books, and culture. Turn your home into a place that you want to be. Make it a space where you feel comfortable and warm, but also interesting and restorative. Use your environment to nurture the parts of you that might be neglected, and in-turn strengthen your mental state for the long haul.

 

Physical Health

Rest and sleep. Move your body. Detox in the sauna. Dress up your water bottle or add flavor to encourage yourself to hydrate. Catch up on podcasts while you walk (exercise) in the sun (vitamin D). There are so many simple self care tactics you can tap into to make your physical health better, and they’re all somehow connected to one of the other areas of life on this list. Of all the ones I am mentioning, this should be the most intuitive. Listen to your body, give it what it needs, and it will always pay you back.

 

Emotional Well-Being

“Mindfulness” and “gratitude” are two more buzz words that have gotten traction in recent years in the same way “self care” has, so much so that we can’t properly define them anymore. But the beauty of such ambiguity is that you get to decide how those words work for you in practice. “Mindfulness,” despite the dozens of definitions that have been forced upon us by influencers and podcasters, could mean anything in terms of it’s relevance to your life. At it’s core it’s simply being aware of your internal state, but how that awareness impacts you and your surroundings is entirely up to you.

You could be mindful of how you’re treating the people around you, strengthening those relationships by identifying and stopping the automatic habits that could be damaging. You could meditate, taking the time to exist in your own mind and explore or calm what’s already there. You could mindfully eat, savoring your meal and truly enjoying it. You could work on living in the moment, focusing on all five of your senses and prioritizing experiencing now over anticipating later. And while many current definitions of mindfulness center on the “here and now” while avoiding the past or future, you could decide for yourself that being mindful means taking the nostalgic route. Thinking back to moments in your life that have shaped you and then appraising and honoring the emotions that surface. In my own personal definition of the word, mindfulness is about curiosity and approaching your life (past, present, or future) with nonjudgmental openness.

Gratitude is a bit easier, at least for me, because if I try hard enough I can find something to be grateful for in every day. Admittedly, it wasn’t always that way. There have been seasons in my life when finding something to appreciate was incredibly difficult, and it’s a process that will come easier for some than others. But the important thing is to try. Often times it is the act of trying that fosters the emotional well-being, so focus on the journey and not the finish line.

Waking up to my daughter’s beautiful face. Waking up at all. A clear morning. A romanticized cup of coffee. The opportunities are truly endless. You can be grateful for the opportunity to revisit a familiar show or movie, or go to the library, or cook a favorite meal. You could practice mindfulness and gratitude at the same time (you over-achiever, you) by grounding yourself in the present moment and intentionally appreciating where you are, what you’re doing, or who you’re with. Work on recognizing positivity where you can, and expressing it internally (reflect on and savor your moments) and externally (thoughtful gestures, thank-you notes, words of appreciation).

The point is – a cornerstone of your emotional well-being is your ability to appraise and regulate your emotions, and if emotional regulation is the name of the game, then mindfulness and gratitude are but two ways to get yourself there.

 

Social Life

As a chronically anxious person and a recovering people-pleaser, this one is the most difficult for me. It feels like self care to me to isolate, burrowing into a cocoon of blankets with my snacks and a comfort show I’ve already seen a dozen times. But this is where we highlight that something feeling like self care doesn’t necessarily make it healthy. Sure, bed rot when you need to, but don’t live there forever.

There are two facets to your social life that you should focus on – your relationship with friends and family, and your relationship with yourself. Your friends and family (by blood or choice) are your support system. One of the more difficult lessons I’ve learned in my journey to adulthood is that I don’t have all the answers. I used to think I did (sometimes I still do), and it took me a long time to figure out that the people older than me in both years and wisdom will be the most valuable sources of truth in my life. Those truths may not always be convenient, expected, or easy to hear, but they are necessary. Family members who have walked my path before me have prepared me for the bumps in the road either by teaching me how to handle obstacles with resilience and strength, or by showing me how not to behave. My friends, coming from many different walks of life, have taught me about culture, frugality, compassion, the power of language, and the concept of privilege. They have turned me into a more empathetic person, an intentional friend, and a fierce mother. So take the lessons you can from the people you trust, and leave the rest. We often grow the most when we’re working through adversity, but a solid support system of safe people who value your well-being will make it hurt a little less as you navigate the complexities of the world. Lean on them.

Your relationship with yourself is perhaps the most important one you’ll ever nurture. It is the backbone of everything else you do, say, and are. It will inform the way you think about yourself, how you approach your life, and how you interact with everyone and everything around you. And the fact of the matter is – you can’t take care of your relationship with you if you don’t know yourself. So start there.

Take yourself to lunch and a movie. Alone. Start a reflective journal. Answer question prompts designed for shadow work. Explore your childhood (careful with this one, if you know you know) and try to identify why you may have some of the habits you do, both positive or negative. Adjust them so you can be the most healthy version of yourself. Controlling how you react to the people and events in your life starts with figuring out what your natural instincts tell you to do. Then decide who you want to be, and act accordingly.

Sometimes the relationships with your friends and family and yourself collide. One of the hardest lessons that I’ve faced, one that I think we all do eventually, was the realization that the people who raised me are human. Inherently imperfect with varying degrees of emotional intelligence, they led me through my life using the tools they acquired when growing up inside their own [insert examples of generational trauma here]. Part of strengthening my relationship with myself is understanding that my own neuroses and shortcomings were the result of my upbringing, but also acknowledging that assigning blame is both unproductive and unfair. Two things can be true at the same time. The many adults who influenced my life could have had the best intentions, and they also made mistakes. Unpacking the nuances of those relationships is far too big of an undertaking for this self-care blog post (and would, frankly, be the opposite of self care in this moment). But being aware of how those nuances impact me today is part of understanding myself, and that’s the whole point after all.

 

Financial Health

This one is tough, so I’ll keep it short. I have struggled the most with this area of my life largely due to circumstances outside of my control, but also because of my own lack of attention and discipline. Those are two muscles that I am, and will continue, to work. So how do you start building up your financial health, or fixing what’s already been broken?

My only advice is to be brutally honest with yourself, and then make a plan. Start mapping out where you are at this very moment, and include everything. If you’re like me, this is gonna hurt. But the numbers are the numbers, the dollars are the dollars, and the math is gonna math whether you like the results or not. The only way to achieve financial health and independence is by sitting down and looking at where you are so you can see where you need to go. From there, create a plan. Use whatever resources are available to you. Consult a financial advisor, or research things you can on your own. Whatever your approach, stay honest and truly commit to it. It won’t work if you’re not working it.

 

The bottom line is – self care is exactly what it sounds like. Caring for yourself. Highly personal, deeply situational, and vitally important. But perhaps the most valuable thought I can leave you with is to give yourself some grace while you figure out what works best for you. Bullying yourself isn’t very “live, laugh, love” of you.