Growing up in a large family of strong personalities is a blessing and a curse.  The blessing – children grow up with a close-knit network of loved ones who mold them into people.  They absorb lessons from the people around them and learn how to navigate life.  The curse – children grow up with a close-knit network of loved ones who mold them into people.  The people making up that network are flawed.  They act out what they were taught, and if their upbringing was less-than-ideal then it will carry over.  The behaviors that have always kept them broken will continue on for generations as they raise even more broken kids.  So I have taken the things that I’ve seen from the people in my life, ranging from the most broken to the most stable, and I have decided to become more aware.  Aware of the bad habits and temperaments that I have in myself.  Aware of the shortcomings and judgments and self-imposed anxieties that have colored my own world.  Aware of the talks that I’ve had with the adults in my life, and the talks that we never had.  I will do better.  So, to my children…

I will let you be weird.  With the limited number of minutes that we all have on this earth, I will let you discover exactly what it means to be you.  Create your own language.  Draw every fantasy you have in your beautiful little mind with crayons.  Sing the strangest song you can make up.  Befriend the outcasts.  I will show you the beauty in being peculiar.  

I will teach you how to be wrong.  I will show you how to face the hardest pill to swallow, and handle it with grace and humility.  I will teach you to learn from your mistakes.  I will teach you to grow.  To err is human, and I want you to laugh when you stumble.  Being embarrassed is a waste of time, and perfection is boring.

I will teach you how to be right.  I learned far too late in life that winning isn’t everything.  I only realized as an adult that I lost meaningful friendships because I inherited a God complex passed to me from one of my most influential role models when I was young.  But I will teach you to be humble.  You will face every obstacle with both eyes open, and you will weigh both sides.  And if you’re right, you will not gloat.  You will feel pride but you will also have empathy for the one who is wrong.  You’re going to be right many times in your life, but you are also imperfect and I will teach you that that’s okay.

I will let you make messes.  While I live my own life with structure and organization and an overwhelming need for order, I will not project that on you.  I will introduce you to the mud and the rain and show you how free you can feel when you run in it.  I will show you the beautiful things you can create when you embrace chaos.  I will show you to use sidewalk chalk and finger-paint and how to eat with your hands.  You will live life unrestricted.

I will show you how to join in.  For fear of criticism, or bullying, or embarrassment I have lived my life on the sidelines.  I have been a bystander to others’ achievements.  And while I have been an achiever at times myself, I did not do all that I wanted to.  But you will be different.  I will make sure you are given every opportunity to join in, be part of a team, be a club member, be a participant, because that is how you become a whole person.

I will teach you the value of a dollar, but also the value of spending it.  You will need to find balance between being frugal and being frivolous.  You will understand the need to save so you can build the future you want without so many obstacles, but you will also understand how to be reckless and spontaneous.  Live your life at least a little on the fringe.  Convention is tedious, so learn to live in the margins every once in a while.

I will teach you the value of a minute.  Our time in this world is so short.  I don’t want you to waste any of it doubting yourself, or questioning your worth, or trying to appease all of the people who will dull your shine to make theirs brighter.  Dive headfirst into the things that bring you joy, and quietly reflect on the things that don’t.  Find what you love and make it your passion.  Try a thousand different hobbies and read a thousand different books and go to a thousand different places in the world.  Do not live to work.  Work so you can truly live.

I will teach you to be a helper.  Do not become so focused on yourself that you forget there are others in the world.  Hold doors.  Give spontaneous compliments.  Donate to charity.  Volunteer your time.  If someone is doing something wrong, help them learn how to do it right.  Do not laugh or ridicule or scoff.  Give a hug where you think one is needed.  Sit and chat for a few minutes with someone who needs an ear.  Be a shoulder to cry on, because someday you may need a shoulder yourself.

I will teach you to cry.  Life is not always about being happy.  And while I want you to smile and laugh at the funny things in the world, I also want you to cry at the pain and despair that you will inevitably meet.  Do not sit quietly when you see injustice.  Do not walk by when you see a creature in need.  When your friends and loved ones face adversity, cry with them.  Empathy is a beautiful and incredibly important quality.  I want you to have it.

I will remind you that we are always here.  You will face hurdles in your life and have no idea where to begin.  And that’s why we are here.  Your father and I are your guides.  We will support you without judgment, and love you unconditionally.  And when you need a little bit of guidance, it’s very simple.

Just come home.